LET'S TALK ABOUT: NOSTALGIA

"Nostalgia is a dirty liar that insists things were better than they seemed". Discuss.

Okay okay – I'm not going to make you write an essay. Don't have a cow, man (there’s one for nostalgia, eh). Having said that, I might write one myself. And, like any A* essay (toot toot), I'm going to look at all sides of the debate. That’s right – the good, the bad, and the oh so ugly.

Let's mix things up and start with the bad, shall we? Oh nostalgia, you rotten old thing. You've tricked me into romanticising the past one too many times. Be it a fake friendship that I was blind to, a toxic love that I was blinded by, or a bad decision that – quite frankly – should have been blindingly obvious, you possess a mysterious power that makes me miss bad memories. And the real kicker? Those bad memories seem like hunky-dory ones on reflection; memories that I wish I could relive. Yet, I know deep down that they're not. I know deep down that they're a lie. I know deep down that they're trying to kid me into believing some half-cut, fancy pants version of the truth. Gold star for you, nostalgia (naaaaht).

But, honestly? I'm quite grateful that you can shed an ultra-violet light on distant – and sometimes forgotten – memories. Y'know, those that felt perfect at the time yet I later grew to loathe. (If you haven't already guessed, we're onto the good). As someone who refuses to regret anything in her life – no matter how dumb or childish – it's a bitter pill to swallow to look back on happy memories and realise that they were lousy ones in disguise. It's a major buzzkill (insert hilarious HIMYM joke here). And that's why you're a shining light, nostalgia. Yes, you may spin the truth. Yes, you may be somewhat of a cruel tormentor. But I'll take a white lie over a shattered memory bank any day of the week, thanks.

Oi, get your cursor away from that 'close tab' button – this essay ain't over yet. You didn't think I'd forget the ugly, did you? It's the plot twist you've all been waiting for (and by you, I totally mean me. I'm on tenterhooks, I tell ya). Nostalgia, you've done some pretty crappy things to me over the years. You've guided me to fall back into bad habits. You've made it difficult for me to let go. But the worst thing of all? Drum roll please – you’ve allowed me to lower my standards. Every time that I reflect on the past and conclude "oh it wasn't that bad", a drop of my self respect goes straight down the drain. It's all well and good feeling nostalgic for old places and past events, but when you bring people into the equation? Letting others walk over you and regarding that as a happy memory – that's the ugly, front and centre. I'm happy to put a positive spin on my crappy memories for the most part, but allowing it to affect my future behaviour is where I draw my line. I refuse to look back at episodes of being mistreated, disrespected, and downright ridiculed with a smile on my face. I refuse to allow friends, ex-boyfriends, or anyone else back into my life in the spirit of nostalgia. You can bog off, mate. I’ve locked the door to my standards and swallowed the key. (Let's hope I don't choke).